Enneagram 2
The Giver
Wings 1 & 3
Arrows 4 & 8
Type Two
Warm-hearted, sincere, nurturing, and gentle. Twos are loving helpers who have a compassionate and welcoming energy. They are naturals when it comes to creating connections and meaningful relationships. They effortlessly tune in and attend to the needs and feelings of others but can put their own needs and feelings on the back burner. With the Two, since their attention is outward and to the other, they will adapt themselves to receive approval as they want to be liked by, and be important to, the people that matter to them. They can often be the people pleasers of the group who feel loved by giving and will go to great lengths to help in whatever way they can. Twos want to be appreciated but can run into issues when their sense of self-worth is built on the appreciation they receive from others.
Overview of Type 2
Core fear: To feel unwanted and be without love from others
Core desire: To feel needed, appreciated, and be loved
Focus of attention: Other’s needs - sensing the feelings or desires of others and altering yourself to meet their needs
Limited belief: I’m not able to receive love without being needed and giving to others
Liberated knowing: I am able to be loved for who I am, not for what I give
Strengths: Kind-hearted, genuine, encouraging, caring, empathetic, friendly, reassuring, compassionate
Blind spots: Intrinsic love and self-appreciation
Three part defense system:
Defense mechanism: Repression - subduing your own needs, feelings, and impulses so they are no longer in your awareness
Avoidance pattern - Being needy
Idealized self-image - "I am helpful"
Enneagram Twos use the defense mechanism of repression to avoid being needy and maintain the idealized self-image of being "helpful". The idealized self-image is who our type structure believes we need to be, and we can unconsciously or consciously avoid anything that challenges this image. As a Two learns to express their needs, and knows that having needs can actually be helpful, it deepens connection within themselves and with others.
Mental healing & growth:
Moving from habit of mind to holy idea - flattery to holy freedom
Flattery - A praising with the intention of getting into the good graces of another
Holy Freedom - Knowing that real needs get met by a greater will than our own, which allows you to be in the natural flow of giving and receiving
Emotional healing & growth:
Moving from passion to virtue - pride to humility
Pride - The need to see yourself as important to others and the belief that you are required to make good things happen
Humility - A willingness to love and accept yourself as you are, which allows you to be with your needs fully and respond (or not) to others without manipulative intention
Coping strategies
True Self
Getting familiar with what your feelings and needs are
Practicing saying "no" and following through
Focusing on how boundaries give you the freedom to express yourself safely
Learning that the "messiness" of being real fosters real connection
Owning and valuing your needs by sharing them directly
Type Structure
Repressing your feelings and needs
Helping others to the point of exhaustion
Not setting boundaries
Managing how you present yourself to create a connection
Emotionally manipulating others to get your needs met
Creating emotional safety with a 2
Tell them that you appreciate them
Don’t take what they do for granted
Be patient and attentive as they verbally process
Honor and nurture their boundaries
Reminders as a 2
It's ok to ask yourself what you really want
Anger is showing you repressed needs
Love does not require you to alter yourself
Your worth is not in what you give
Allow yourself to receive love
Having needs does not make you needy
Be mindful of the desire to be indispensable
Breaking the stereotypes
People can think I…
Only give to get
Am overbearing
Don't have needs
Am overly emotional and clingy
Won't have boundaries
The whole truth is I…
Love to give to important people in my life
Want to genuinely connect with you
Can be afraid of bothering someone or being seen as selfish
Am emotionally aware and am discovering how to develop an independent self
Am learning how to say no and take care of my well-being
“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.”
— Rupi Kaur